Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
