i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
