Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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