my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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