Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
