Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
