Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
