are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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