Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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