Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
