Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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