Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
