my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
