Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
