I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize