Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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