So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
