Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
