Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
