I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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