dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
