Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
