If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize