and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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