Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
