i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
