fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
