Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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