I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
