farters have to be the big spoon...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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