it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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