Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
