I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
