cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize