Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he puts the penis in happiness.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
