She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize