i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
