I hate all girls vehemently.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
