I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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