Do you still have your period?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
