P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
