Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize