I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
