He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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