I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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