got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
