remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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