You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
