yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
