He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
