oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
