I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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