Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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