So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize