You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
