like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
