Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
