I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize