Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
