I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
