Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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