This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize