Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
