We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
