I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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