yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
fuck your aforementioned shoe
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
