i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
