Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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