I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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