M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
